Learn French

The first time I lost track of the days in France, I was sitting in a café in Paris, working my way through a ridiculous pile of pastries and homework. The waiter asked if I wanted the formule du midi /fɔʁ.my.lə dy mi.di/ — lunch set — and I proudly said yes. He looked at […]

The first time I wrote a date in France, I accidentally moved a doctor’s appointment two months into the future. I wrote 03/04/2023 thinking “March 4th,” because English brain. The receptionist looked at it, nodded, and calmly booked me for le 3 avril 2023 /lə tʁwɑ avʁil dø mil vɛ̃t.tʁwɑ/ — April 3rd, 2023. I

My French teacher in Lyon had a terrible hobby: making us recite virelangues /vi.ʁə.lɑ̃ɡ/ — tongue twisters — at 8:30 in the morning. One day she wrote on the board: Les chaussettes de l’archiduchesse sont-elles sèches, archi-sèches ? Half the class tried to read it. The other half just made dolphin noises. I, a proud

The first time someone asked me a question in fast French, my brain just… blue-screened. I was in a French class in Lyon, minding my own yak business, when the teacher suddenly turned to me and said something that sounded like: “Alors, blablabla… qu’est-ce que tu en penses ?” I understood exactly zero words. Instead

The first time someone in France asked me where I was from, I didn’t know they were asking where I was from. I was in a noisy bar in Lyon, and this guy leaned in and shouted: Tu viens d’où ? /ty vjɛ̃ du/ — where are you from? My panic brain heard Tu viens

My first French “conversation” in France lasted about eight seconds. I was in a bakery in Lyon. The woman behind the counter said Bonjour /bɔ̃.ʒuʁ/ — hello, good day — and my brain froze so hard I almost ordered a table instead of a baguette. I managed a shy bonjour, grabbed my bread, and escaped

When I first arrived in France, I thought I needed all the grammar before I could talk. So I stayed quiet, nodding like a wise yak while understanding about three words per conversation. Then one day in a bakery, I finally used my ultra-basic toolkit: Bonjour /bɔ̃.ʒuʁ/ — helloUne baguette, s’il vous plaît /yn ba.ɡɛt

My first New Year’s Eve in France, I thought I was ready. I’d memorised Bonne année /bɔn a.ne/ — happy new year, practiced my French “r” like a maniac, and showed up to a party in Lyon feeling very sophisticated. Midnight hit, everyone shouted something that sounded like “BONANÉBONANSANTÉOUAISOUAISOUAIS,” kissed each other on both cheeks,

The first time I went to a birthday party in France, everything was going fine until the lights went off. Everyone gathered around the cake, someone started singing Joyeux anniversaire /ʒwa.jø.z‿a.ni.vɛʁ.sɛʁ/ — happy birthday — and I… panicked. I tried to blend in, but what came out of my yak mouth was a strange mix

The first time someone wished me “good luck” in France, it sounded… suspicious. I was about to call my internet provider (a heroic quest), and my French flatmate said, with a sympathetic smile: Bon courage /bɔ̃ ku.ʁaʒ/ — literally “good courage.” I’d been waiting for bonne chance /bɔn ʃɑ̃s/ — good luck, and suddenly felt