Learn German

One of my favourite German memories is standing in front of a dictionary shelf in a bookshop, staring at a fat yellow Duden /ˈduːdn̩/ and asking the bookseller: « Wie viele Wörter gibt es eigentlich im Deutschen? » /viː ˈfiːlə ˈvœʁtɐ ɡɪpt ʔɛs ˈaɪ̯ɡn̩tliç ɪm ˈdɔʏ̯tʃn̩/“How many words are there in German, actually?” He smiled […]

My first week in Germany, a letter arrived from some mysterious insurance office. I opened it, saw one single word stretching across half the page, and genuinely thought my printer had had a stroke: „Kraftfahrzeughaftpflichtversicherung“ /ˈkʁaftˌfaːɐ̯tsɔɪ̯kˌhaftˌpflɪçtˌfɛɐ̯ˈzɪçəʁʊŋ/ I didn’t know what it meant, but I was 90% sure it wanted money. That’s when I learned a

On my first day in a German language course, the teacher asked us to describe a classmate. Easy, I thought. I pointed at a guy across the room and proudly said: „Er ist groß und alt.“ /eːɐ̯ ɪst ɡʁoːs ʊnt alt/ The class went quiet. The guy looked… not thrilled.Turns out I had just called

My first serious German conversation was at a birthday dinner in Berlin.Everyone was discussing a film. I said things like: « Es war gut. » “It was good.” The Germans nodded politely. Then one guy casually dropped: « Die Atmosphäre war unglaublich intensiv und gleichzeitig sehr subtil. » The atmosphere was unbelievably intense and at

My biggest German nickname fail happened in a shared kitchen. A flatmate walked in, stole a piece of my chocolate, and another flatmate laughed and called her „Naschkatze“ /ˈnaʃkat͡sə/. My brain heard “snack cat” and thought, “Adorable, I’m using that.”So the next day, I cheerfully greeted my very serious, very new German tutor with: „Hallo,

My first month in Germany, I said danke /ˈdaŋkə/ so often people probably thought it was my last name. The bus driver waited half a second longer so I could get on? Danke. The cashier handed me my receipt? Danke. A stranger existed in my vague direction? Danke. The real chaos started when people replied

The first time I tried to sound polite in German, I walked into my apartment building at about 9 p.m., looked at my elderly neighbour, and confidently said: „Guten Tag!“ She blinked, paused, and then answered with „Guten Abend.“ Very slowly. That was my gentle introduction to the fact that German greetings care about time.